From the category archives:

Pets

Response to Letter of Complaint to Cat

Response to complaint to cat Dear Mummy I hereby acknowledge your letter of complaint and will address each of your points in turn.  Whilst I recognise that my idea of a good time is somewhat different to yours, I am surprised that you think me destructive. In the last edition of Home and Garden on [...]

Cat Wars

When I was little I was given a small but sweet natured quail by my mother as a pet. It lived in her aviary in the garden with her canaries and budgies and would come and lay near the edge of the fence to see me while I spent many hours as a child chatting [...]

Complaint about the Cat

Dear cat, I am writing to lodge a formal complaint regarding your conduct in the household. Your destructive behaviour has perplexed and frustrated me over the years to the point where I simply have no other option. Please observe the behaviours below and correct them to the best of your ability. The first matter I [...]

The Position of Pet Ownership

Dear Pet Owner, I regret to have to inform you that Boo Boo is ill; he has a chest infection, a broken leg, worms and he ate a tin can which is ruining his insides. Unfortunately, to fix any one of these problems it’s going to cost you heap of money, not ‘cos I’m funny [...]

Dead Goldfish Complaint

Thumbnail image for Dead Goldfish Complaint

It is a dead fish, it’s gone to meet it’s maker. Dear Petshop Owner, I’d like to paint you a picture if I may, not literally of course as I don’t want to spend more time on this complaint than is absolutely necessary, but I would like you to get a feel for the emotional [...]