From the category archives:

Society

The case of the barking dog

Many thanks for your letter regarding the complaint against my dog. I must say it came as no shock to me to hear that my animal barks, it fact it was one of the features I insisted on at purchase. I am somewhat surprised that my neighbours felt uneasy in coming to me with the problem in the first place – as I am now proud to say it has been several years since I stopped worshipping the devil and holding naked moonlight panda sacrifices on the street. I would be interested to hear from yourself, or indeed the complainant, on what action you think I should take over “the dog that barks”.

A letter about Teenagers Today

To the world at large Hello, I am a secondary School student currently studying for my GCSE’s. I have a complaint (if you hadn’t already guessed) and it is concerning both teenagers and the complaints addressed against them. To start off with, I would just like to say that there are many things wrong with [...]

A complaint about complainers

To The Complainer I consider myself to be a very positive person, always looking on the bright side and dealing with things as they come up. When asked to write a letter of complaint I struggled. I have a few pet hates, people not clearing up after their dogs and builders bums, but nothing that [...]

POOH! POOH! POOH!

Dear Anybody I thought I would write my complaint about something that really makes me very mad indeed. Now I don’t want you to think that i am writing this to be disgusting because I’m afraid pooh is a part of our lives and there is nothing we can do about it. Anyway let me [...]

How much can we really expect of these teenagers??

Dear Ether, Society or someone who can answer my enquiry, I always promised myself I would try to be understanding with others, no matter what their background, their situation or personality. Now, I do try to keep that promise – albeit outwardly, however as I get older, I find myself wondering about the youth today. [...]

The nerve

I was out for a night on the town and I needed the toilet. When I got there I held the door open for an elderly lady she walked in an didn’t say thank you. As I waited for a toilet to become available the old lady started cursing and kicking the doors on the [...]

Looking Back

In my opinion some of the best things in life have slowly disappeared. First there was the disappearance of newspaper from the fish and chip shops. Replaced by what they termed more hygienic plain white offcuts, and plastic trays with little plastic forks. Not quite the same somehow. This was quickly followed by frying fish [...]

English Skills of 21st Century Teenagers… or the Lack of Them.

Dear foolish sheep (aka the teenagers of this generation), I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. At what? I hear your voices cry. Your language. Yes, I know that this is your mode of rebellion. You use text language and slang to rebel against boring English teachers who make you use words [...]

Hypocritical Scrooge bans Christmas hat!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to you in complaint of an incident that occurred on Saturday 19th December 2009 concerning a hat I was wearing. I arrived at Mariners Court with two of my friends wearing a Christmas hat. I walked straight past the doorman – I even said hello to him. At this point [...]

I’m Burstin’…

To whom it may concern, Occasionally, when I am on a night out, I need to use the bathroom, and more often than not these days it seems that even for that simple task I am being asked to put my hand in my pocket… for the smartly dressed man in the corner with the [...]

The issue with being under eighteen…

Dear Tesco (and all similar supermarkets), I would like to start out by stating I respect the law. I recognise it is in society’s best interest for killing people to be frowned upon. I fully sympathise with those who think that one should not take things that don’t belong to them. I also agree that [...]

The Fat Controllers

Who do they think they are, these “Fat controllers” of the judicial world, they are supposed to be professional people. Does professionalism mean arrogance and control? All I am doing is trying to complete the sale of my house and for the first time in ages I feel I am not in control of my [...]

Drunk Girls

Dear Drunk Girls Outside My Bedroom Window, Christmas is over, and New Year has not yet begun. I know that both of these times are cause for alcohol-fuelled celebrations, but we’re currently nestled snugly between those two dates. So there’s really no excuse for keeping me up until 3am with your loud and unintelligible cat-fights. [...]

Town Planning

Dear Town- and City-Planning gents, We think you ought to know, That you have contravened our rights and we’ve nowhere to go. We’ve long been silent, it is true, but now we must assert, We’re tired of tarmac and cement and grovelling in the dirt. Your architects must all be mad – indeed we’ve heard [...]

Tax Declaration

Dear Tania, I nowhere implied that the tax declaration was a receipt to me. It isn’t addressed to me and it declares that you paid a certain amount to the government in respect of tax on my fee and it does say I earned 200 or so euros in 2008. It is for me to [...]

Missing Lynx

Being a teenager was, is and always will be a time adults look back on and shudder. The two set menu haircuts that you were allowed to sport (The Bowl and The Curtains), giggling every time you saw someone with a Head gym bag and every interaction with the opposite sex. From the time that [...]

Silent night, Holy night, not so calm but very bright.

Dear Council Environment Department, December again and out come the Christmas light displays on local houses, bigger, bolder and more brash than last year. Isn’t it about time someone from the council took these households in hand and reminded them that using enough electricity to power a NASA space station for a year is Not [...]

Refused booze for being Australian

To Whom It May Concern, I would like to make a formal letter of complaint. Yesterday I went to buy a bottle of wine (Wolf Blass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon) at Waitrose at the Goldsworth Park Centre in Woking and was asked for ID. I proceeded to show the staff member my Australian driver’s license [...]

Grumpy, Miserable London

Why is everyone so miserable in London? And don’t blame the recession…it has been this way for years!! Rushing and pushing past me, with no word of thanks when I jump out of the way or hold the door open for them. Just a distracted, moody grunt or screwed up expression pointing my way. If [...]

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