Dear Flat “mate”,

Thank you for the lovely note you left on my bed this morning demanding that I don’t have a bath after 11pm.

It may have escaped your notice but I went out last night and got in at half past eleven. It is difficult to have a bath when one is out of the house. Said bath was the shallowest ever and I was running the taps as quietly as I could. The alternaitve, of course, was banging on your door and demanding a shower given that you (quite selfishly) demanded the room with the ensuite (which I think means you have to live with the consequences). It may have also escaped your notice that this has been one occasion because as a general rule I swipe your shower around 9pm…

Incidentally, I could get equally petty and demand that you don’t watch DVDs in your bedroom after 11pm because, well, I (and ALL our neighbours) may as well be wacthing it with you you have them on THAT DAMN LOUD. Or I could demand that you don’t use your hair drier before I get up in the morning (because that’s also very annoying). Actually, I often wonder what the hell you do in the mornings since you get up before me and leave about three trains after me… Oh and you know when I had that week off in the summer, yes? You woke me up every fucking morning at getting up time by thumping about, having the radio on loud, drying your hair, slamming doors…

Yes I know you’re a bad sleeper. You whinge on about it often enough. But again, it may have escaped your notice that I’m not really sleeping at all these days.

Frankly, I think you’re being damn unreaonable over one occasion but you won’t see it that way because the world revolves around you, doesn’t it? I love you dearly, but you are occasionally an utterly selfish and unreasonable soul.

Currently no love

PS Yes I will buy more toilet paper though.