Dear Sir/Madam/stereotypical shithead,
I am writing to complain about the current situation that is taking over our streets, vampire mania. Sure, when I was younger I too was fascinated by ghosts, mummies and vampires, with children’s shows such as ‘Mona the Vampire’, and classic books like Anne Rice’s ‘Interview with a vampire’, however it is now starting to take the absolute piss. I am tired of seeing young, wannabee Goths strutting around in ‘Team Jacob’ tee-shirts when he is clearly nothing more than a stupid young boy, as for Bella, what a whore! Edward, Jacob, Edward, Jacob,*faint* is about all she does. How can children accept this, and worst of all, how can teenagers fancy Robert Patterson?
He may possess the gothic quality of a stereotyped vampire with his pale skin, weird jaw and pale eyes, but who cares? Look at his face! Teenagers all over the world are accepting this as a form of beauty and going crazy. It is maddening and I for one cannot stand it any longer and I am sure that there are many people out there who like me, will not accept this overgrown wart to be classified an actor when his limited facial expressions range from constipated to raised eyebrow, (aka super shocked!)
Sooner or later there will be Gangs of these children in the street, all sporting their shirts and killing each other over ‘Jacob’ or ‘Edward’, THEY’RE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! Is this how we really want our children growing up? Drinking Trueblood and trying to eat each other? So Please, Please, Please, Stop Writing stereotypical, vampire bullshit. I’ve had enough. We all have.
(Stable Teenager who grew up reading famous five)