St Leopards -on- sea.
Dear Managing Director,
I am having to write to you to complain about the present I bought for my girlfriend from your company.
As you will recall I rang you on the 10th of November to especially ask that you send the package in time for Christmas (which you did), and to explain about my laptop problems, however I cannot begin to explain to you how much bother this has caused me. My girlfriend has chucked me! And I am considering suing you for loss of earnings.
We had been together for 6 years and because of your ineptitude you have effectively ended my relationship. I can’t eat or sleep and can’t do my driving job.
I know your company deals with extreme presents for “those who have everything” but this time I feel you have gone too far! I trusted your company with my order and you let me down. I want my money back! I want it back within 7 days. How do you think I feel, Not only did I lose my future wife because of your inability to get my order right, but I lost my money too! Your company is hugely overrated and hugely expensive.
How could you possibly have sent not one, but two furry mice?
My girlfriend is a member of “friends of the earth” and a vegetarian with strong ethical values. She loves faux fur, and her pink dini. If you could have seen the sheer look of horror on her face when the she opened the package you would be ashamed of yourself.
After all, I did explain that my laptop had a few problems, and that the D on the keyboard was sometimes replaced with an M!