Dear Tesco (and all similar supermarkets),

I would like to start out by stating I respect the law. I recognise it is in society’s best interest for killing people to be frowned upon. I fully sympathise with those who think that one should not take things that don’t belong to them. I also agree that age restrictions are a somewhat good idea and that five-year-olds should not be allowed to buy cigarettes, nor forty-years-olds play in the wacky warehouse. I ‘get it’. It makes sense.

I am now eighteen years old, I was seventeen years old when this incident occurred and that is how the trouble started.

My friend and I were delighted to come across a lemon meringue pie on the reduced rack at our local Tesco. Thinking this would greatly add to our somewhat meagre picnic (a bread roll each and some questionable apples) we took it to the checkout only to realise that we had no cutlery with us. Traipsing back through the shop, we eventually located the plastic knives and forks and, ecstatic at our find, returned to the counter, only to discover we did not appear old enough to buy plastic knives.

As I have already said, I have a healthy respect for the law. Knives are dangerous and people under eighteen should not be able to get their hands on them easily. But plastic knives? There is no way that that ‘blade’ is going into anybody’s flesh. The only damage that we could do with them is poke someone in the eye, which would be easier and more effective with the forks we were allowed to purchase.

Despite heated negotiation, we were not allowed to buy the knives and later resorted to cutting the pie with student cards. Messy and slightly disgusting.

But the worst point? I did my research and the U.K law is as follows: It is an offence for any person to sell to a person under the age of 16 any knife, knife blade, razor blade, axe or any other article which has a blade or is sharply pointed and which is made or adapted for causing injury to the person.

Yes Tesco, we may have been sitting in the park slopping yellowy mess everywhere, but who looks stupid now?

That’s right, still us, as we had evidence of being over sixteen, just didn’t use it assuming we had to be eighteen…

Either way, you ruined our picnic Tesco. If only you’d told us the age we had to be to buy knives, instead of just asking for ID, this whole messy event could have been avoided.