I am writing with immense thanks to you for your perpetual rudeness yesterday evening when my partner and I dined at your top class restaurant. My thanks may seem insincere especially in light of the unceremonious manner in which you ejected us from the afore mentioned establishment yet they are heartfelt and tinged with no sarcasm what so ever. For what ever reason you felt it necessary to drop us to the kerb I can only guess, but in doing so you see you cast me in such an admiral light that after ten years of wooing and endless proposals your actions enabled me to snare my love. The affirmative response to my repeated and tiresome question came as quite a shock I can tell you and I am so in awe of your incredulous rudeness that I felt compelled to inform you of your great unwitting and unintentional success. The way you stalked out of the kitchen, puce faced and swearing is now a joy to recall. The rainbow of colours streaked across your chef’s whites as pretty as any painting I ever spied. The redness of your complexion juxtaposed with the blueness of you language only offers greater depth to the already legendary story of how I got my future kids Mum to marry me.
In conclusion Sir, I think you were a little hasty in your decision to remove us but the past is just that and it can not be reworked now even if we wanted it to and personally I want nothing of the sort. But please bear in mind my suggestion was given as a constructive criticism and not as the awful insult you took it for, after all why can’t the Gazpacho be warm?