Dear Sirs/Madam,

I am writing to express my extreme dissatisfaction with your ‘light choices garlic naan bread’. I was unfortunate enough to purchase this as the store i visited did not have any garlic naan breads from the ‘unhealthy’ range.

So there I am five minutes before I’m ready to eat my delicious home cooked curry, my mouth salivating and my stomach growling like an angry bear, and I pop a garlic naan bread directly onto the oven shelf sprinkled slightly with water at 200degrees. So not long now! 4-5minutes according to the preparation instructions. Mmmmmmnnnn the curry smells divine. Rice on the plate, curry on the rice, Naan bread out of the oven – SHOCK HORROR. In the name of all things sacred, what on earth is this thing made of??!! I held the piping hot naan bread between finger and thumb only one centimetre from its edge. The cardboard cutout of a naan bread stood proud and rigid in front of my astonished eyes. I slowly turned the bread, studying in detail the surface of this mysterious material disguised as food. Worry not, I took the remaining naan bread from the packet and attempted an emergency naanostomy. I enjoy a soft and slightly soggy naan bread so opted for the microwave like I have done with so many other types of bread products. 1 minute later my heart sank as yet again I was stood holding another cardboard naan.
My masterpiece curry creation was now going cold and I had no curry mop up facility. I contemplated a dish cloth – arguably more stomachable than the naan breads – but decided against it. Back to the freezer I dug deep. The angels must have been watching over me as at the bottom of drawer 3 I found a single full fat plain naan, albeit broken in two, made by a major high street supermarket – not you though! He should be knighted – Lord Sainsbury. Yes it has a certain ring to it don’t you think?
One minute later I was sat down and enjoying my curry, my rice and my soft and slightly soggy naan bread – mmnn delish.

I refrained from throwing the cardboard naans out for the birds, as I feared for the safety of the local wildlife. They would have had more chance of surviving a strike from oddjob’s steel rimmed bowler hat than they would from a frizbeeing light choices garlic naan bread. After trying a ‘light choices’ product from britain’s leading supermarket i can now understand why Britain is in the grip of such a huge obesity crisis. I just hope that the ‘Lord’ has a good, healthy but tasty range to help those in need of weight loss – because if he can’t help us the country’s finished!
Neil Barnes